As I sit and wait for my day of judgment,
I ponder the future.

Can I continue to live my life as I dream and desire?
Or will I remain doomed to a lifetime of cries
and days of gloom?

People say that I am arrogant and full of myself.
I say that if you really know me and my life,
you would understand the struggle that lies within my heart.

Living as I do, I have to be this way.
Not able to shed tears, for fear
that my moment of weakness will appear.
Trying to remain hard,
not to show my cards
so that I can have another day of happiness with my kids.

Learning how to be a mother and a woman above all,
and yearning for the life of a family: I so desperately need that.

But I have to put my past life behind me
and never look back.

I can’t live the past and feel peace within my heart,
because if the streets don’t wear me down,
the nightmares will tear me apart.

They say crying heals the soul.
I wonder how true that is.
I cry every night in hopes that I get my soul back.

This is a two-way street, so speak---
but I am sorry to say,
it can only go one way.